Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" 
           Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!" 

           ************************************************************ 
           One day, the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold 
           short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, 
           turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. 

           Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, 
           "What a cute little plane. Did you make it yourself?" 

           Our hero the Cherokee pilot, was not about to let the insult go by, came back
           with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another 
           landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one." 

           ************************************************************* 
           There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because 
           his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." ATC told the fighter 
           jock that he was number two behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. 

           "Ah," the pilot remarked," the dreaded seven-engine approach." 

           ************************************************************* 
           A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While 
           attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was
           your last known position?" 

           Student: "When I was number one for take-off". 

           ************************************************************** 
           Taxiing down the tarmac, the DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and 
           returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned 
           passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" 

           "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained 
            the flight attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot." 

           ************************************************************** 
           A man telephoned the United airline office at Denver International 
           Airport and asked, "How long does it take to fly to Colorado Springs?" 
           The clerk said, "Just a minute." "Thank you," the man said and hung up. 

           ************************************************************** 
           "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees." 
           "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" 
           "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727 ?" 

           *************************************************************** 
           At Heathrow Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school 
           teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, 
           a protractor, and a graphical calculator. 
           Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.
           He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction. 

        ************************************************************** 
           The passenger piled his cases on the scale at the United counter in New York and 
           said to the clerk, "I'm flying to Los Angeles. I want the square case to go to Denver,
           and the two round ones to go to Seattle." 
           "I'm sorry, sir, but we can't do that." 
           "Why not? You did it last time!" 

           ******************************************************************* 
           A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. 
           As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened 
          his trench coat and flashed her.
           Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub." 

           *******************************************************************
           The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding 
           rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. 
           The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop 
           finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. 

           ******************************************************************* 
           A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." 
           Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
           Cars are backed up for miles. 
           Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, 
           puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" 
           The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

           ***************************************************************** 
           World War 2 Blunders 
           This is for you guys who have served "OUR" country, "Thank's! 
           God Bless each of you. 

           1. The first German serviceman killed in the war was killed by the 
           Japanese (China, 1937), the first American serviceman killed was
           killed by the Russians (Finland 1940), the highest ranking American 
           killed was Lt. Gen. Lesley McNair, killed by the US Army Air Corps. 
           So much for allies. 

           2. The youngest US serviceman was 12 year old Calvin Graham, USN. 
           He was wounded and given a Dishonorable Discharge for lying about
           his age. 
           (His benefits were later restored by act of Congress)

           3. At the time of Pearl Harbor the top US Navy command was Called
           CINCUS (pronounced "sink us"), the shoulder patch of the US Army's 45th Infantry 
           division was the Swastika, and Hitler's private train was named "Amerika". 
           All three were soon changed for PR purposes.

           4. More US servicemen died in the Air Corps than the Marine Corps. While
           completing the required 30 missions your chance of being killed was 71%.

           5. Generally speaking there was no such thing as an average fighter
           pilot. You were either an ace or a target. For instance Japanese
           ace Hiroyoshi Nishizawa shot down over 80 planes. He died while a 
           passenger on a cargo plane. 

           6. It was a common practice on fighter planes to load every 5th round
           with a tracer round to aid in aiming. This was a mistake. Tracers had different 
           ballistics so (at long range) if your tracers were hitting the target, 
           80% of your rounds were missing. Worse yet tracers instantly told your 
           enemy he was under fire and from which direction. Worst of all was the
           practice of loading a string of tracers at the end of the belt to tell you that
           you were out of ammo.
           This was definitely not something you wanted to tell the enemy. Units that 
           stopped using tracers saw their success rate nearly double and their loss 
           rate go way down.

           YOU'VE GOT TO LOVE THIS ONE... 
           7. When allied armies reached the Rhine the first thing men did was pee 
           in it. This was pretty universal from the lowest private to Winston Churchill 
           (who made a big show of it) and Gen. Patton (who had himself photographed

           8. German Me-264 bombers were capable of bombing New York City but it
           wasn't worth the effort. 

           9. German submarine U-120 was sunk by a malfunctioning toilet. 

           10. Among the first "Germans" captured at Normandy were several Koreans. 
           They had been forced to fight for the Japanese Army until they were
           captured by the Russians and forced to fight for the Russian Army until they were captured by 
           the Germans and forced to fight for the German Army until they were captured by the US Army.

           11. Following a massive naval bombardment 35, 000 US and Canadian troops  
           stormed ashore at Kiska. 21 troops were killed in the firefight. It would have 
           been worse if there had been any Japanese on the island.

           ******************************************************************** 
           There was a Marine deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he 
           received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that 
           she had slept with two guys while he had been gone, and she wanted to 
           break up, also she wanted the picture of herself sent back to her. 

           So the Marine does what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around 
           to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could 
           find. He then mailed about 25 pictures of naked women to his girlfriend 
           with the following note: 

           "I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send 
           the rest back." 

           *******************************************************************